Confession from an imperfect mother! Did I reallly do that? YES!

Backing up a bit...first things first...
I remember growing up and throughout my adolescent growing up years I would repeat the phrase, "I'll never do that when I'm on my own or have my own household!' Having such an inexperienced and judgemental attitude' I would judge my mother harshly at times. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED my mom! She was wonderful! Sometimes she would just do things and out came that phrase of never doing that or being like her.

It's laughable now looking back on it. The funny thing is...I'm so much like my mom! I do some of things I professed I would never do and some things she did that I liked I also do. One day I was thinking about her and asked myself...'Diana, what are some of the things you do that emulate your mother's qualities?' (She is deceased and I do miss her!) I mentally listed them. Did I like my answer? 'YES!' Yes, my mom was an imperfect mother too, but she was doing the best she knew how and was having a human experience like the rest of us.

My confession...Yes, I really did do that! (Would I change some, YES!)
What did I do?
The reason I am writing this post is an answer to myself in response to a recent post I read on my oldest daughter's blog and some traits she has that came from her mom. All of what she said is true, I won't deny it!

Did I get upset over messes when kids were growing up? YES!
Did I ever say, "I HATE MESSES?" YES!
Did I go on tirades about clean rooms, folding the laundry just right, etc? YES!
Was that silly and ridiculous? YES!
When teaching them to drive did I ever get upset if we got lost and say, "I don't want to be here, I want to be over there?" YES!
There are probably 100+ more things I said and did that probably have scarred them for life!

For instance...
My oldest daughter loved this one cat we had and would smuggle the cat into the car or little truck we had. I told her repeatedly, "The next time I find that cat in the car or truck, I'm kicking it out of the car and that's it! Good bye cat!" Well the next time came and 'I let the cat out and never looked back.' Was that awful? YES! (Bad mom!)

Another time, same daughter wanted to take a community class for gymnastic lessons at a local school. Prior to signing up it was conditioned on she and her sister not fighting so much. We are now in the car on the way to the school and they both got into it. I once again warned them about fighting or no gymnastic lessons. Did they stop? No. I drove up through the parking lot and told them to wave as we drove right on by. No lessons. Once again there was to be 'accountability vs. consequences.' There was crying but mean mom did not bend. Was that awful? YES! (Bad mom!)

Self-esteem is such a fragile thing for every individual. As parents we constantly need to nurture it so that our children grow up feeling good about themselves. I would often tell them, 'Be your best self. You are not competing with anyone, just do the best to your own abilities.'
One of my sons when growing up had a struggle with a few subjects in school and get an average grade and beat himself up over it. I would tell him that it was okay because for him it was 'his best.' He did not fail out of school. The sun was still going to rise the next day and he would still be who he was, a great person.

Looking back on those formative years I wish I could do some things differently if I had it to do over. I was OCD about messes and other things. Did I scar them for life over some things? Unfortunately, yes! I will be accountable for that. Looking from a grandparent perspective and watching my grandchildren grow up they are as normal as my kids were growing up and they are doing some of the same things my kids did. I am seeing their growing up years through personal experience and with different eyes. Sometimes my married children share what their kids are going through and sometimes I 'laugh.' I tell them that I am not laughing at them, just with them! Why do I laugh? I see myself years prior and stressing, fretting and going crazy and realize how silly I was! My dear children grew up with their imperfect mother.

Count your blessings! Children are blessings and one day they are gone and grown and on their own. They grow up from being wonderful little people into wonderful big people! Take a hint from an imperfect mother who was having a human experience like the rest of us (and like my dear mother); stop and smell the roses; stop yourself from saying something you'll regret. Sometimes when my children were really testing my patience spontaneously I would just grab them and hug them and tell them 'I love you!' It surprised both of us! It felt better too! I wish I did that more often than scolding them.

In a nutshell....we take the good and the bad from our parent's examples. We sift out the ones we don't want or want to change and accept the ones we like. Don't spend time looking back with regret, improve and move forward! :o)