When Grandma Was A Little Girl - #40

40- Piano Lessons – Not that key!

My dad was very good at playing the piano and the organ. When I say that he played ‘very good’, I mean just that. He was 'very good!'

My dad graduated from high school and had a scholarship to Pennsylvania State University for Music. Unfortunately before he could go his father died. His dad died 4 days after my dad had his 18th birthday. (My dad’s birthday was Oct 7th and his dad died Oct 11,1929.) Dad had to give up his scholarship. His father was a coalmine owner. My dad’s two older brothers were to run the business but they were not business trained and made bad decisions and the company went under. So my dad had to get a job and earn a living. His stepmother did not want to be responsible for his care. His two older brothers were married and had their own problems. So my dad was on his own. You may wonder what happened to my dad’s own mother. She died when he was 4 years old. His father remarried when he was about 12 years old. He and his stepmother didn’t get along too well. My dad said that they avoided each other. Dad’s older two brothers did not care for her either. She loved their dad and not his sons.

My dad kept up his music skills and learned from the best. His father had him take piano lessons when he was very young. My dad said that one day his father came home early and was listening to his piano lessons. My dad was fooling around on the piano not doing his lesson and the piano teacher wasn’t doing anything to correct him and then his father walked into the room. She was reading a book and looked up and was ‘dismissed/fired’ on the spot! My dad said that his father played the piano very well. Yikes! Too bad for the piano teacher. She was just collecting money and not teaching my dad hardly a thing! My dad knew it and got away with the dickens until his father came home and checked up on him but mostly his piano teacher. Uh oh!

My dad taught piano and organ lessons to students who were truly interested in learning. He didn’t waste time on students who wouldn’t practice. He gave them six weeks and if you didn’t show improvement and were goofing off, he wasted no time telling the parents about their child and not practicing or making an effort. My dad was rather direct. I took after him; just ask my kids and husband!

The time came when my bother Douglas and I were to take lessons from our dad. We were intimidated by him! He would come home and hear us practice and from another room would holler, ‘That’s the wrong note!' That’s wrong key! Do it the right way!” And I had a time with correct finger placement. Doug and I would tell our mom how much we hated taking lessons from dad. Why did he have to be so mean and strict! Then she would tell us, “Because he loves you and wants the best for you.” Somehow that didn’t give either one of us any comfort.

One evening my girlfriend was having her lesson and she made a mistake and my dad very nicely said to her, “Oh honey that’s not the right note or the way to play that, let me show you.” I was in the next room listening and I was flabbergasted! “How can he be so nice to her and yet holler at both Doug and I!” I told him about that when she left! He just smiled. I had one year of piano and about six months of organ lessons. My dad said piano lessons before organ lessons just to get the basics down good and understand music. After one evening being reduced to tears because of my many mistakes, I told my dad, “I quit! I hate piano lessons and I hate organ lessons and I hate you!” I was crying and I stomped off! I never did play in front of him again. My brother quit shortly after. He was too busy with a job and school and sports.

Years later I was visiting home and had two little girls and I was playing the piano and my dad walked in and I immediately stopped playing and got up to leave. He said, “No, don’t leave, keep playing.” I said, “No, that’s okay, I’m done.” Then he asked me, “Why did you quit playing the piano and won’t play when I’m home?” I then rehearsed to him about his ‘hollering’ when I hit a wrong note or had wrong finger placement on the keys and the night my girlfriend made a mistake and how nice he was to her. Then he said, “Oh, I really regret that. It’s just that I wanted so badly for my kids to play and wanted the best for you but I guess I didn’t realize how hard I was on you and Doug. I told him that’s why Doug quit playing too. After that conversation I would play, but not often in front of him. I knew he loved us but the hurt was still deep in my memory and would smart a little bit if I spent any time thinking about it from his intimidation and it was a little hard to get over.

Now I have a granddaughter taking piano lessons and soon her brother will start. Just a reminder to their mother, 'Please don't holler at your children and watch your body language and tone of voice. Please be nice and try some patience. I know how hard it is to be patient. I was a parent of youngsters once myself. But I also remember how awful I felt when I was intimidated when it came to piano lessons.'

It was a hard lesson for a parent to learn. I am a parent and when my kids were growing up I’m sure I made a ton of mistakes and was also too hard on them. However, I do remember telling them, as far as competition or grades went, “Just be your best self. You are not competing with anyone to be better than them. You are not trying to be an over achiever. You are just competing with yourself to be your best self. You matter. You are important. If a ‘C’ is your best and you’ve tried your hardest, then that’s great. If you know you can do better, then try harder.“ Maybe my children will remember it differently. They usually do, and their version is probably a lot more accurate! I am proud of all my kids and ‘who’ they are as individuals and I do love them for ‘who’ they are. They hold a very very special place in my heart and oh, how I do love them!